Ask the Proxies: How Can Girls Ask Guys?

Hey everyone! We are here with a question from Curious Jane, who wrote in asking:

I am interested in a few guys right now, but I have a difficult time developing opportunities to get to know them without being too forward. I am either too forward, or I don’t do anything at all. I am looking to find a happy medium. What would you say is an acceptable social approach to getting to know these guys without scaring them away?

We felt that this question would be best answered by a guy, especially a guy who knows the smooth moves when it comes to dating, so we tossed it over to our friend Zack from Every Day Is Easter In My Closet to help Curious Jane out! Take it away Zack!

Great question CJ! How do you get a guy to ask you out and not be a creepette AND how do you know when he’s just not that into you?

I’ve written about these two very items on my Easter Closet blog before and will give their synopsis here.

 

“Can Girls Ask Guys Out“

YES!…and No! Here are two ways you can ask them out without asking them out.

1. Find a random place, like, Pizzeria 712, and say,

“Hey [insert name of the super hot boy whom you Facebook stalked for an hour yesterday], have you ever been to Pizzeria 712?” If he says yes OR if he says no, then say, “Well we should totally go there sometime!”

2. Or “This Wednesday night is 2 for one pie night at Village Inn!! We should totally go. Pie’s on me!”

If he doesn’t respond to either of those, then continue to read.

 

“How to Know WHEN TO STOP“

There is a simple 3 point formula.
1 point: txt msg, fbook wall post, email/fbook message, call without message
2 points: call with message, random drop by
3 points: random drop by + nice note/baked goods

As you do those things, you get points. As they do them back to you, you get minus those points. Stop contacting when you get to 3 points.

It is that simple.

So in conclusion, if these boys don’t have the khutspah to ask you out after you tried both ways of asking them out without asking them out and you get to three points…then move on. Just move on.

Because in the end, you deserve to be liked. You deserved to be liked a lot. And there is only one person you need to convince that you are worth it: yourself.

Man to Man: Tribute to Girls

We’re proud to welcome a new blogger to our Man to Man team. As the newest addition to our guy panel, Mont is here to chime in with answers to your questions about the dating world. As always, shoot us an email (proxeeconsulting@gmail.com) or respond in the comments and we’ll pass along your question to our team.

To kick off what is sure to be the first of many posts, he’s submitted a sweet tribute to women. Don’t be fooled by the title though — guys, he has some thoughts for you too.

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This is my tribute to the girls who are overlooked, who become friends & nothing more and think it is because they are doing something wrong.

This is for the girls who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug & supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect & that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either.

For the girls who flirt & laugh over the slightest glance, whisper, or touch and that hope that maybe, just maybe this time he’ll have understood.

This is a homage to the girls who laugh & do it often, who are comfortable in skirts & sweats, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention.

This is for the girls who have been in trenches, who have watched with a broken heart other girls time & time again fake up & make up & mess up the guys in their lives.

This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on, for the girls who have sought a night with friends & been greeted by a night of rude catcalls, explicit invitations and that they’d rather not have experienced.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages or aim profiles, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time & time again dropped him hint after hint after hint, only to watch him chase after another girl.

This is for the girls who have been told that they are too good or too smart or too pretty.

This is for the girls who have been led on by words & kisses & touches, all of which were either only true for the moment or never real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their heart, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over “her”, or he’s just not looking to be tied down.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken, & their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place.

This is for the nights spent dissecting every word & syllable & inflection in his speech, and for the nights when you’ve returned home feeling alone.

This is for the night you convinced yourself that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read all the signals wrong.

This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful & intelligent & amazing & loyal & truly worthy of a great guy.

This is for the girls who have been used & abused, who have endured what he was giving because she couldn’t make herself believe he didn’t deserve her.

This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little & who have learned never to expect anything more. For the girls who don’t think that they deserve more because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don’t understand: us men sitting & questioning & whining that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them & belittle them & don’t appreciate them & don’t want them.

Us men who complain that we will never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested & compelling who are intelligent & sweet, smart, & beautiful. We despair that no good women want to share in our lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep us hanging, yet, I have to ask:
Are we to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrilling, compelling, intelligent & sweet and beautiful & smart girls, are we to give her our number & wait for her to call, & if we were to receive a call from her the next day, & she in her truthful, loyal, intelligent, and straightforward nice girl fashion were to tell us that she finds us intriguing & attractive & interesting & worth her time & perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would we not immediately call our friends to tell them of the “stalker chick” we met the night prior, who called & wore her heart on her sleeve, & told the truth? & would we not refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again & once again return to the party scene & search once more for this “nice girl” who we just cannot seem to find?

Because there in lies the truth.
Nice girls are everywhere, but maybe we are not looking for a nice girl, were not looking for someone genuinely interested in our intramural basketball game, or our anatomy midterm grade, or that argument we keep having with our parents.

Maybe we’re looking for a quick fix. A night when we can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as quick as the night itself.

Perhaps we shouldn’t say we’re on the lookout for a nice girl, when we pass her up every day.

If we truly were, we’d see her right in front of us.

Submitted Story: The Avoider

Last week we received a great e-mail from one of our readers. Liliane described her frustrations with a phenomenon most of us daters are very familiar with: the Post-Date Avoid. Below, she shared some of her thoughts on why you should avoid being the Avoider.

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So you’ve had a few dates and you’ve played your cards right only to discover that you’re not that interested in her. No problem! Dating is a trial and error process, no one expects you to have found the love of your life right from the start. If you’re both not interested, that’s not a big deal. But how do you communicate this in a mature fashion so that you don’t get labelled a jerk by her and all her friends?

Whatever you do, don’t become the Avoider. The Avoider runs away from awkward situations, and consequently when he feels things aren’t going well, he cuts off all contact, doesn’t answer phone calls, texts, and avoids all personal contact, even eye-contact in public.

What do you do then? A simple explanation like “I think we have different interests,” or “You know, I would really rather be friends” or whatever kind, honest answer you have is better than none at all, especially if she is contacting you and looking for an explanation or closure. If you see her in public, you don’t have to have a long conversation, just be a kind person and treat her like other friends you run into. A simple smile or even “have a nice day!” shows that you still like her as a person and that you are a considerate human being. Granted if she’s definitely not interested in you either, it’s okay to just let things die. However, since you probably can’t read her mind, it’s better to play it safe.

Case in point:

One time I met a guy at a party and he got my number. He called, asked me on a date and I accepted. We had a good time, and went out a few days later. After that, he continued to ask me out every day for the next two weeks. We had a good time getting to know each other in a relaxed, pressure-free dating scenario. We were not seriously dating each other, but had been on about ten dates total. Some dates he asked me on and others I asked him on, and we had spent a good amount of time together. Then after one date, he didn’t call me, or the next day, or the next. Not wanting to be pushy or annoying, I waited for him to contact me, figuring if he wanted to talk to me, and was interested in me he would, but also if he wasn’t he would let me know. He never called. I wasn’t  crushed that he didn’t want to date me, but I was a little upset that he never communicated it maturely and avoided me after I invested time in him. Four months later I ran into him in public and he still didn’t contact me. Though I have gotten over it, to my roommates who saw how he treated me, he is still labeled a jerk.

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Ever been avoided? Or been the Avoider? Let us know in the comments!