Category Archives: breaking up
Last week we received a great e-mail from one of our readers. Liliane described her frustrations with a phenomenon most of us daters are very familiar with: the Post-Date Avoid. Below, she shared some of her thoughts on why you should avoid being the Avoider.
So you’ve had a few dates and you’ve played your cards right only to discover that you’re not that interested in her. No problem! Dating is a trial and error process, no one expects you to have found the love of your life right from the start. If you’re both not interested, that’s not a big deal. But how do you communicate this in a mature fashion so that you don’t get labelled a jerk by her and all her friends?
Whatever you do, don’t become the Avoider. The Avoider runs away from awkward situations, and consequently when he feels things aren’t going well, he cuts off all contact, doesn’t answer phone calls, texts, and avoids all personal contact, even eye-contact in public.
What do you do then? A simple explanation like “I think we have different interests,” or “You know, I would really rather be friends” or whatever kind, honest answer you have is better than none at all, especially if she is contacting you and looking for an explanation or closure. If you see her in public, you don’t have to have a long conversation, just be a kind person and treat her like other friends you run into. A simple smile or even “have a nice day!” shows that you still like her as a person and that you are a considerate human being. Granted if she’s definitely not interested in you either, it’s okay to just let things die. However, since you probably can’t read her mind, it’s better to play it safe.
Case in point:
One time I met a guy at a party and he got my number. He called, asked me on a date and I accepted. We had a good time, and went out a few days later. After that, he continued to ask me out every day for the next two weeks. We had a good time getting to know each other in a relaxed, pressure-free dating scenario. We were not seriously dating each other, but had been on about ten dates total. Some dates he asked me on and others I asked him on, and we had spent a good amount of time together. Then after one date, he didn’t call me, or the next day, or the next. Not wanting to be pushy or annoying, I waited for him to contact me, figuring if he wanted to talk to me, and was interested in me he would, but also if he wasn’t he would let me know. He never called. I wasn’t crushed that he didn’t want to date me, but I was a little upset that he never communicated it maturely and avoided me after I invested time in him. Four months later I ran into him in public and he still didn’t contact me. Though I have gotten over it, to my roommates who saw how he treated me, he is still labeled a jerk.
Ever been avoided? Or been the Avoider? Let us know in the comments!