Category Archives: what women want
Happy 2012 everyone!! We hope you all had a fantastic holiday season, and got to munch on a lot of tasty treats and get fun presents. Now, for those of you who had no one to smooch at midnight, do not fear!! It is a new year, full of new people and new opportunities.
And, what is the most common thing that happens around new years? Besides the smooching, the most popular thing is to make some good new years resolutions! That is where our great blogger e.dm comes in with a fantastic resolution to help with your 2012 hunny hunt! Here she is with a great article on making sure that your list of goals has some personality to it!
Take it away e.dm!
The piece of cardboard dude is the guy who thinks he’s awesome. This is because he’s probably in dental school, or med school, or getting his MBA. This is because he knows he goes to church every Sunday. He got his eagle. He served a mission. He’s nice to people in public places.
None of these things are bad. Let me say that again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY ONE ITEM ON THAT LIST. They are a few items off a GIGANTIC list of awesome things people can do in their life.
The problem with the cardboard dude is that he does all those things because it’s a list. I mean, maybe he wanted to go on a mission. He probably desired to get his MBA. He worked hard. It’s just that along the way, something about the “why” got lost. Which isn’t really a problem, except why we do things develops into who we are—which equals our personality.
Even then, being the cardboard man isn’t all that bad in everyday life, but it surfaces in the dating world in sad ways. For example, a cardboard dude expects girls to fall over him because he does everything “right.” I often run into guys who complain that they can’t find a girl, even though they “have everything a girl is looking for! Money, charm, education!” But, that isn’t everything! Personality, individuality and honesty also are huge wants for girls. It’s often difficult to make connections with a cardboard dude because his actual personality is underdeveloped and flat.
THE GOOD NEWS!
If you suspect you might be a piece of cardboard, don’t worry—all is not lost. Two items will help you eek slowly into the “interesting guy” range.
- Try new things & find stuff you are interested in– and then pursue it. Few things are more attractive than a man who does interesting things.
- Love people. Paul was not messing around when he said that nothing matters if you don’t have charity. Sometimes actually really loving people takes practice—
The interesting thing is that #1 and #2 are not really separate. As you open yourself to really love people, you start thinking more stuff is interesting and doing more interesting things. You then have more (positive) stuff to talk about, and you become more interested in the other things that people do themselves and their lives.
And then, you can probably persuade someone to swoon over you. But more importantly: you’ll be able to fall in love, and will be the type of person you would want to love you.
***don’t worry, there are also cardboard girls. So, if you don’t want to change, just date them. But if you are wanting a more sincere partner, then take a good look in the mirror and make a resolution to develop who you are first!
A common complaint that we hear from women is that men don’t know how to communicate. “He won’t open up about his feelings,” “He never tells me anything,” “He doesn’t compliment me.” Sounds like a jerk, right?
We also hear, “She’s always fishing for compliments!” and “Why won’t she stop talking?” from the men.
Here at Proxee Consulting we don’t think the problem is that men don’t communicate well, or that women communicate too much. It’s that they communicate differently.
Girls, you are going to lunch with your best friends. When they arrive at the restaurant, how often is the first thing you say to them “You look great!/That shirt looks fantastic on you!/I love your hair, it’s so shiny!”? Even through the rest of the conversation, compliments are sprinkled in. Job woes? “That’s okay, you’re brilliant anyway.” Guy didn’t call you back? “You are so amazing. It’s his loss.” Even when we are discussing problems, we spend a significant amount of time reaffirming each other.
Guys, what would be the response if the first thing you said to your guy friend was “Hey, those jeans make your butt look fantastic!”? Or maybe, “The spikes in your hair really give out a whole sexy, bad boy vibe.” It’d be weird, right? That’s because that is not how guys usually communicate with each other.
Girls grow up learning that they must communicate to cooperate. We foster goodwill through compliments, rising intonations, and being less direct and more detailed. This is how we form bonds and feel connected to each other. It’s easy for us to feel disconnected when we’re confronted with a guy who communicates in a different way.
Compare it to going to a different country. Even if you speak the language, the underlying customs and value system can be barriers to effectively expressing yourself. For example, if a native Mandarin speaker tells you that you speak their language well, your first instinct would be to thank them. That’s what you would do in America, right? Unknown to you, in China it is considered haughty not to brush off praise. Instead of showing humility by denying the truth of the compliment, you come off as arrogant. Even though you two were speaking the same language, you weren’t communicating effectively because you didn’t understand the other person’s expectations.
Dating involves both people coming together and learning each other’s personal cultures. When guys get frustrated because girls aren’t direct enough, it’s because girls’ expressions don’t match what guys have deemed as proper communication. Likewise, the emphasis girls place on compliments might seem extreme, but it’s an important part of how we bond. Not because we’ll feel ugly unless you tell us otherwise (a secure girl won’t), but because by showing your appreciation in our own “language” it makes us feel a little more secure in the relationship.
Next time you’re out on a date, try making a conscious effort to sincerely compliment the woman you’re with. Not too much because that can make them seem insincere, or the situation awkward. Maybe just once or twice. Trust us, she’ll appreciate it.