Category Archives: man to man
Today we are bringing you another great tip from Mont on how Attitude can change your dating life– with both the person you are wanting to date, and with yourself.
Take it away Mont!
When you really think about it, not every date that you go on is going to lead you to your future husband/wife, so having a good attitude about the dating process can take a lot of the stress out of it.
What does a good attitude look like? It’s more then just positive thinking. It’s about keeping your perspective so that even if the date goes bad, you can still go home with your self confidence intact. To help with this I’ve come up with a list of things to always keep on your mind throughout the night. Broken down into before, during, and after the date.
Without a doubt there are plenty of things going through a guys mind at this point. You asked the girl out, she said yes and now you have spent the week thinking about what’s going to happen. “What should I wear, what should we do, how is she gonna act, what should we talk about?” are some common concerns that plague the pre-date mind. While those are important questions, here are a few other things guys that we should keep on our minds as well.
Manage your expectations- If you have spent all week fantasizing that you and your date are going to fall madly in love, you will most likely be left disappointed by the end of the night. Have fun on the date but don’t come with a set of expectations, you’ll have a better if you are on the date to have fun, not meet your long-term goals. Let me share one of my favorite quotes, “If you wanna hear the Lord laugh, tell him what you have planned.”
Now this doesn’t mean that you can’t be optimistic. You never know what will happen, just don’t start naming your future children before you find out the name of her hamster.
Hydrate- Yes this may sound stupid, but unless you are meeting in the north pole, chances are that you are going to sweat a little on the date. Drinking water will help with that little problem, and did you know drinking water can help keep bad breath at bay? It’s true, and a total plus. No girl likes bad breath.
Eat- “Say what Mont? We are going out to eat why do I need to eat before? You crazy man!” That’s what you’re thinking right? Well let’s say you get to dinner, but the wait is a long period of time? I don’t know about you guys, but if I don’t have food in me, I get a little shaky and grumpy. An apple or something small can help low blood sugar or that grumbling stomach that’s distracting her from the conversation.
Shower- This is a no brainier. No girl wants to smell that fish you have been working with all day or the gym bag smell. Take care of it. Keep clean.
Confirmation Call- Give her a call a couple days before to remind her about the date and see if she is still able to go. Sometimes things come up. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to see you. Just means that things happen.
Have a plan- Yes, those spontaneous dates where you have no idea what you are doing can be fun, but save those for later dates. First dates and the next couple following should always have a plan. That way she knows you value her time, and have it together. It’s also nice to have a couple plans, that way if something falls through or something happens you have a back-up plan. I remember a date I went on back in high school. It was a double-date and my buddy let his parents know where we were going to be going. On our way to the dinner with the girls we hit a patch of ice and slid off the road into a ditch. Our original date was to get dinner and go see a play, but after finally getting the car out of the ditch we had missed our reservations and the start of the show. Our back-up plan was to go back to my buddy’s house and make dinner for the girls and watch a movie. We had all the items for that dinner already bought and the date actually turned out to be pretty cool. It’s also a great idea to let her know the plan for the night. That way she knows what to expect and what her options of clothes for the night are. Bring yourself a jacket or something to wear in case the weather gets bad. Planning is always the key guys.
DURING A DATE
Ok. Now your on the date. Awesome guys! This is it, all your planning and prepping are going into effect. Here are some things that, with a little help I got from some of my lady friends, are always winners during the date.
Be On Time- Plain and simple. Don’t keep her waiting. It’s really not as cool as your friends think to be fashionably late to a date. Shows her that this night really isn’t all that important to you. Big no no This doesn’t mean that you show up 30 minutes early. You will be waiting on her couch talking to all her roommates. It will also make her feel like she has to hurry up and rush. A good 5 to 10 minutes early is great.
Open Doors- This is a universal rule, but amazes me how many guys don’t do it. You don’t have to open every single door for her guys, but there are a few doors that should always be opened by you. Car door and the doors leading into the buildings.This is the classic example that’s stood the test of time.
Compliment- She spent 14 hours getting ready for this date tonight (ok not really, but I’ve been told by girls that it is sometimes not too far off.) She spent the time to get ready for the date just like you did (hopefully) so let her know it. Don’t ever call her hot though, it’s way too overused and pretty superficial. Call her beautiful or pretty, because you know what? She is.
Talk- The strong and silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast. Ask her questions about herself, how her week went, how is that thing she is working on? School project, dance routine, etc. A great line from the movie Hitch. “The date is about her” Love it. You asked her on the date because you want to get to know her better. So get to know her better. Most likely she will want to know some of the same things about you as well so feel free to answer her questions. Don’t cut her off mid sentence though with “Oh yeah I’ve done that too”. There is also no need to talk to her about ex girlfriends. She doesn’t care. Eye contact is great at all times when she is talking to you, or when you are talking to her. I’ll be the first to admit I have failed at this in the past, but when you think about it a woman’s eyes can be one of her most beautiful features. So look at them, cause she’ll be looking at yours.
Be Honest- She could be on the date with you for a number of reasons but most of the time it’s because she is also interested in getting to know you better. So there really isn’t any need to act like you are the big tough macho guy that fended off a grizzly bear attack with a metal spoon. Be yourself, that’s obviously what intrigued her in the first place so use that to your advantage. Besides being dishonest with her breaks that trust you once may of had. You don’t want to lose that.
Be Attentive- This can go along with talking and such, but listen to what she has to say. Find a way to focus just on here if you are having trouble. Don’t look around at the other guy’s dates of the evening. TURN OF YOUR PHONE or at least put it on silent. Like I said above this date is about her. Not about you or what your friend is doing. If you have to answer the phone ask her if it’s ok. Wait till she is done talking or find some way to call them back. A lady is gonna be watching you all night long just as you should be watching her. She will be paying attention to your every move.The things you say and how you act around people and her friends and so on. Be nice. Be the guy that she wants to have around more rather then keep away from her friends.
Physical Touch-This one can be kinda tricky. If it’s the first date physical touch should almost be limited to nothing. If she is into you she may be more physical then not. Same for you. A brief touch of the leg or a touch of the arm or back should be all the is done on a first date.
Have fun- Enjoy her company and make the date as fun as you can without seeming like you are trying too hard. Joke around laugh and just have fun. She will start to feel more comfortable around you the more you open up.
Walk Her to Her Door- Don’t stop in front of her place or at the bottom of the stairs and say goodnight. She may say “no it’s ok” but always walk her up to the door.You will make her realize that you want her to get home safe.
Now comes the awkward part. Do you give her a hug? Shake her hand? Kiss? Just walk away? Ladies help me out here, but I really think this depends on the how many dates and how well the relationship(if it’s more then just a first date) or the night went if it was a first date. If it’s a first date this whole door step situation can be really weird for both of the girl and guy. Especially if you have one thing in mind and she has another. If it’s a first date a kiss even on the cheek is probably too far. I personally always go with a hug and thank you for a great night. There was one time in my life that I got the handshake and was so confused. Turns out she really liked me but always shook the guys hands on a first date. Not my thing, but like I said everyone has a preference. The door step scene can also be the moment of great future stories. I remember one date back in high school. The dance was awful, the date wasn’t that great(it was girls choice) and when I walked her up to the door to tell her goodnight she went in for a kiss. I went in for a hug. She caught me off guard I feel backward into the bushes and ended up with a stick going through my leg. Ten years later it is a great story, then not so much fun. Guys don’t try to push anything on her though. Thank her for a great date and move on.
At that moment, you have officially made it through the night. Hopefully with everything going smoothly. I read one thing earlier on Proxee that talks about keeping the date short. If it’s a first date I think that is a great idea. There really isn’t any reason to be out with her as long as humanly possible that first night. Give her enough that she will leave wanting to see you again.
I’m sure there are many more things that could be included in this section, but I think this is a good start. Let’s move on to What you should be thinking after the date is over.
AFTER THE DATE
After she has gone inside and you have gotten back in your car don’t text her or call her right away. Give it some time. Why? She is inside the house telling all her roommates how the date went. She is also playing it back in her mind. Did it go well for her? Give her a chance to think about you and miss you. After you leave her house the date is over. Let it be over. But, don’t wait too long. I’d say about 1/2 hour to an hour after is a good amount of time to wait. But! Don’t forget! The after-date text is always an important finishing touch.
So, there you have it. Some tips that will help you keep it together before, during, and after a date. But, most importantly, always remember that every date is a learning experience even if it’s a bad one, and remember to always have fun!
Let’s all admit it. Everyone is a little nervous on the first date. Some more so than others. But guys, girls are attracted to a confident man, and so that is the man you want to be. Not sure how to do it? Well, Dave’s here with some tips and tricks to help pull off the confident vibe—no matter how nervous you are!
Take it away Dave!
The idea behind having confidence on a date is to make the real you shine. Here are a few ideas I have for how you can show some confidence without sacrificing what makes you special.
Recognize that you have some great things to offer and to share with a girl.
Whatever it is; if you love fishing or comic books, cooking or running, there are things that are unique to you, and you should realize that there is a girl out there who will be interested in those things.
So step one is recognize your interests and own them. If you’re not sure what your interests are, sit down and make a list of 100 things you love (not an easy task—you’ll probably start to run out of ideas at some point but work through it). When you’re on a date, don’t be afraid to share about the things you love, just remember to also ask her about her favorite things as well.
Don’t be intimidated by a girl who others may say is “out of your league”.
Is she a supermodel? Does she have a PhD? Could she beat you at any game you ever play? Doesn’t matter.
Remember that there are different kinds of smart, attractive, funny, talented, etc. A girl getting a PhD in astrophysics may not be too impressed by the fact that you rode a bull for 10 seconds but that doesn’t mean you aren’t equally as talented, just in different ways. What one person finds really impressive may not be all that great to another. So take what you’re good at and run with it, and don’t be intimidated!
Have good posture and try to keep your hands out of your pockets.
I include this only because bad posture is not part of your personality, so leaving it behind isn’t going to affect who you are. A confident man stands tall and walks with an attitude that he knows where he’s going. I would be shocked if I ever heard a girl say, “I really liked him but he stood up just a little too straight for me”. That’s not to say that it hasn’t ever happened, but good posture is going to improve your odds. It exudes confidence in a good way.
Don’t be embarrassed if you’re not a flashy person.
If you don’t like spending money on things like clothes or cars it’s ok—just be sure you are comfortable with it. If you’re not a high roller then you shouldn’t try to cover that up to win a girl. It’s not conducive to a good long-term relationship because someday the truth will come out and then she may feel deceived.
Now, be sure to put yourself together well, have clean and freshly pressed clothes and a good shower, but know that if you are confident in who you are and what you wear she will take note.
Discover the things that make you unique and special—the things you like about yourself—and don’t be hesitant to share them with your dates. Read books, take classes, watch popular shows, and other things that spark your interests. If you have a lot of stuff going on in your life then you have an interesting person to present, both to yourself and her, and that will help you find commonalities and similar interests that give to easy conversation.
Remember to laugh off mishaps.
Things go wrong on dates sometimes. You get lost. You miss the movie because of traffic. That’s ok, she understands. The last thing you need to do it become upset. A confident man is ok with plan B’s and even plan C’s. Your ability to adapt smoothly to different situations and not take it so seriously will impress her, and make her feel like she is with a guy who can take care of both himself and her.
Well, there you have it! A few tips to help you stay cool and calm on that first date!
We’re proud to welcome a new blogger to our Man to Man team. As the newest addition to our guy panel, Mont is here to chime in with answers to your questions about the dating world. As always, shoot us an email (email@example.com) or respond in the comments and we’ll pass along your question to our team.
To kick off what is sure to be the first of many posts, he’s submitted a sweet tribute to women. Don’t be fooled by the title though — guys, he has some thoughts for you too.
This is my tribute to the girls who are overlooked, who become friends & nothing more and think it is because they are doing something wrong.
This is for the girls who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug & supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times.
This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect & that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either.
For the girls who flirt & laugh over the slightest glance, whisper, or touch and that hope that maybe, just maybe this time he’ll have understood.
This is a homage to the girls who laugh & do it often, who are comfortable in skirts & sweats, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention.
This is for the girls who have been in trenches, who have watched with a broken heart other girls time & time again fake up & make up & mess up the guys in their lives.
This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on, for the girls who have sought a night with friends & been greeted by a night of rude catcalls, explicit invitations and that they’d rather not have experienced.
This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages or aim profiles, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time & time again dropped him hint after hint after hint, only to watch him chase after another girl.
This is for the girls who have been told that they are too good or too smart or too pretty.
This is for the girls who have been led on by words & kisses & touches, all of which were either only true for the moment or never real to begin with.
This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their heart, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over “her”, or he’s just not looking to be tied down.
This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken, & their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place.
This is for the nights spent dissecting every word & syllable & inflection in his speech, and for the nights when you’ve returned home feeling alone.
This is for the night you convinced yourself that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.
This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read all the signals wrong.
This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful & intelligent & amazing & loyal & truly worthy of a great guy.
This is for the girls who have been used & abused, who have endured what he was giving because she couldn’t make herself believe he didn’t deserve her.
This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little & who have learned never to expect anything more. For the girls who don’t think that they deserve more because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.
This is what I don’t understand: us men sitting & questioning & whining that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them & belittle them & don’t appreciate them & don’t want them.
Us men who complain that we will never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested & compelling who are intelligent & sweet, smart, & beautiful. We despair that no good women want to share in our lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep us hanging, yet, I have to ask:
Are we to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrilling, compelling, intelligent & sweet and beautiful & smart girls, are we to give her our number & wait for her to call, & if we were to receive a call from her the next day, & she in her truthful, loyal, intelligent, and straightforward nice girl fashion were to tell us that she finds us intriguing & attractive & interesting & worth her time & perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would we not immediately call our friends to tell them of the “stalker chick” we met the night prior, who called & wore her heart on her sleeve, & told the truth? & would we not refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again & once again return to the party scene & search once more for this “nice girl” who we just cannot seem to find?
Because there in lies the truth.
Nice girls are everywhere, but maybe we are not looking for a nice girl, were not looking for someone genuinely interested in our intramural basketball game, or our anatomy midterm grade, or that argument we keep having with our parents.
Maybe we’re looking for a quick fix. A night when we can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as quick as the night itself.
Perhaps we shouldn’t say we’re on the lookout for a nice girl, when we pass her up every day.
If we truly were, we’d see her right in front of us.
Dave’s back! This time, he’s giving some tips on how to handle things when they just don’t go your way.
I’ve written before about how girls often choose not to be entirely frank when rejecting guys and how important it is to have enough respect for them to accept a less-than-direct response. Often, we guys don’t pay attention to what girls are trying to tell us when we’re being rejected. Or we can’t imagine why any girl wouldn’t want to go out with us. If you continue to ask a girl out after she has tried to tell you ‘no’ then you come across as arrogant, aggressive, and overzealous.
I have the misfortune of understanding how this type of badgering feels from a personal experience with a very persistent female. When I was in twelfth grade a girl from a neighboring school asked me out. She got my number from a former seminary teacher and when she called me up she started off the conversation with, “you probably don’t remember me but…” She was right, I didn’t—I kind of recognized the name but I definitely couldn’t put a face to it. She was asking me to her winter formal because “there just aren’t any good guys to ask at my school.” Sounded like trouble to me—I didn’t want to go. I told her that I thought I had a concert choir performance that night and that I’d check and get back to her. Turns out I did have a performance. What a relief. I called her back to tell her:
Me: I’m sorry but I have a concert that same night.
Her: That’s ok, I can just pick you up for the activity, drop you off for your concert, and then pick you up afterwards to go to the dance…
Me: Umm, ok. The concert’s at 7.
What could I say at that point? My excuse was legitimate, but I was really hoping that it would get me out of a date I didn’t want to go on. When she dodged it I had two options: go with her or tell her that I really didn’t want to. I could have been wrong, but I judged that she was the type of girl who would have a hard time with rejection so I felt obligated to go. Needless to say, the date was way south of mediocre—even straying into ‘worst date ever’ territory at times.
Now, guys, we’re the ones who are generally in the position of asking girls to go out with us. We need to make sure that we never put girls in situations where they feel obligated to go out on a date when they aren’t interested. If she gives you an excuse you should accept it and try again another time. Don’t start grasping at straws in an attempt to corner her into going out with you. If she says she has something, DO NOT ask her what it is or what time or anything else that makes her think you suspect she’s fibbing. Remember, “I’m busy” is much easier for everyone than “I’m really not interested in you”.
When you get turned down, listen to how she does it—if she suggests that you go out some other time then you should try asking her out again in a week or so. Generally, if she says ‘no’ to three attempts in a row without a legitimate excuse I would suggest not calling her again. Persistence is not going to make her like you more. It feels like I always hear old men who got married young say stuff like “I had to convince my wife to marry me.” While this may be true in some cases, it’s more likely just something that these guys say to be self-deprecating and funny.
While you should be sensitive to whether a girl is rejecting you, you need to be careful that you don’t become gun-shy. You should work to find a happy medium between timid and overzealous. Being bold and confident are good things, so long as you’re careful not to cross the line to arrogant and cocky. Ask out as many girls as you can but know how to quit when they’re trying to tell you that they’re not interested.
Dave is back! This week, he’s giving you the low-down on how to tell if a girl is interested while you’re on a date!
Is she being coy or trying to escape his bad breath? What does it mean??
Let me start out by saying that this is not an easy thing to do. Everyone knows that girls can be confusing because they are all different. Some girls make it obvious if they want to go out with you again while others don’t. However, there are some classic signs that you can learn to pick up on that will often let you know what she’s thinking.
I’d also like to say that it’s important you don’t obsess over this stuff. Check out this statement I one time read on a guy’s blog:
“An old roommate of mine once told me, ‘When a guy likes a girl, he takes the seat right next to her. When a girl likes a guy, she sits one seat over and two rows back from him.’ That’s the first problem. People use different tactics to express interest in each other. What does a touch on the elbow mean? What about a fist-bump?”
I hope you can see how ridiculous this is. And totally weird. When a girl is interested in you she’ll show it, albeit subtly. She wants you to know and it should come across in what she does, how she talks to you, and how she treats you. But when you’re on a date don’t think about this stuff, wait until you’re driving home. You shouldn’t be worried on a date—girls smell worry and they don’t like it. Relax, have fun, and then later on you can try to decide if you want to ask her out again and if you think she’d actually go.
Here are a few basic positive signs you can look for:
- Did she flirt with you?
If you don’t know how to tell this then you should probably start asking all your friends both male and female to teach you.
- Did she go for your arms?
For some reason girls love the arm touch if they’re into a guy. Not all girls do it so if it doesn’t happen it doesn’t mean the she isn’t into you. However, if she is doing the arm touch thing then it’s a pretty safe bet she wants to go out with you again. The guy I quoted above seemed to think that the specific location of the arm touch means something. I’ve never seen evidence to support this theory.
You can do a reciprocal arm touch. It’s totally appropriate, but I wouldn’t overdo it because it’s not terribly masculine.
- Did she smile and laugh?
No comment necessary.
- Did she ask questions?
You have to be careful with this one because sometimes questions are asked just to fill the silence. A friend of mine (girl) once went out on a date with a guy and at some point realized that she had been asking all the questions. She then proceeded to be quiet in order to make him ask her something. In this case she asked a lot of questions but she was not into him. If she’s asking questions it’s a good thing, just be sure that she’s not doing it because you’re a mute.
- Did she text you after the date?
Not all girls do this one either, but if you do get the post-date text then she definitely wants to go out with you again.
- Did she invite you to come in or to spend more time with her?
If you are on a dinner-only date (a really good way to do a first date) and you’re dropping her off early she may invite you to come in or to do something else. It should be fairly obvious that this is a good thing.
- Did she say something like, “We should ________ sometime?”
When you talked about stuff you like to do did she mention wanting to do something together sometime? This is a great way for a girl to express interest without being too forward. If she doesn’t do it automatically you could suggest something and see if she seems interested. This technique is nice way to gauge interest. Be selective in what you suggest. If it’s something dangerous (like skydiving) she might not want to. Or if you were an All-American collegiate tennis player she might be a little hesitant to play with you because she’s embarrassed. I’d suggest picking something that she’s already told you she likes to do and going with that.
If she didn’t do any of the things above it doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t interested, but if she did then you’re probably good to go for a second date.
Some sure negatives:
- You call her to ask her out, leave a message, and she doesn’t return your call.
I suggest that if this happens once you should think about how the date went. If it surprises you that she wouldn’t call you back you could try calling her one more time. If she doesn’t call back again it’s time to quit; two unanswered phone calls = not interested.
- She stops talking to you.
- She cringes every time you open your mouth.
- She offers to pay for dinner.
Nearly 100% sure sign she doesn’t want to go out with you again. She’s offering to pay because she knows she’s not interested and feels guilty that you are wasting your money. Don’t let her pay. Even though she doesn’t want to repeat, at least she’ll have something good to say about you.
Stuff not to pay attention to:
- She didn’t introduce you to someone she knew that you guys ran into.
Sometimes people forget.
- Body Language
I wouldn’t read into it too much.
- She didn’t text you after the date.
Again, some girls just don’t.
- She looked out the window while you were driving.
You’re looking out the window (windshield), aren’t you?
- The next time you see her in a group setting she talks to other people more than you.
Again, doesn’t mean anything. You can’t expect her to act a certain way in a party/group setting after going on one or two dates with you. And she’s not under any type of a contract with you—she is allowed to talk to other guys and still be interested in you. However, if it seems like she’s really trying to get away from you or avoid you then she’s probably telling you something.
- She is slow returning texts.
Some girls just are. And she may be busy working or studying or doing whatever it is she does (as you should be). If she’s consistently slow or really slow (like more than a day) it’s probably not a good thing but this alone is often not enough of a sign that she isn’t interested.
Hopefully you can see the sense in what I’ve said here. Just remember that you should not obsess over this stuff. In fact, you probably shouldn’t even think about it unless you have to.
Time to meet two of our new bloggers! E.dm gave us two great posts on the hazards of surprising a girl when you’re getting to know her. Now Dave is going to start us off with our Man to Man column, where guys write in to share their tips and tricks of the trade.
You have a girl’s number. Now comes one of the most frightening things about dating: making the call. Here are some ideas to help decrease the awkwardness. As a preface, recognize that every situation is different—there are no hard and fast rules, these are just some guidelines for playing it safe.
- Try to avoid the cold call whenever possible. This means that you have talked with the girl about taking her out before, like in person. If it’s a set-up then the mutual friend should tell her that you’re going to call. However you got the number, it’s best if she knows that you have it and is expecting your call.
- Make sure you have good cell phone service. Nothing is more awkward than trying to set up a date when you’re cutting in and out. If you don’t get good reception where you live then go for a drive. Just don’t forget to take a pen and paper to write down details like her address (if she offers to text you her address then you’re golden, but don’t ask her to do it).
- Think of something to say before you make the call. Just one quick idea of something you could ask her. If you don’t end up using it, great, but think of something just in case—small silences during this call tend to feel eternal so you want to be prepared to fill the space. How long you chat will vary quite a bit from girl to girl, but generally shorter is safer.
- When possible, give her two options for when you’ll take her out. I think girls appreciate this because they can pick the day that is most convenient for them and they can also say ‘no’ to both if they want to. Avoid giving her three or more. And for heaven’s sake, if she says she can’t go out on the two days you offer don’t start throwing around other options (i.e. “how about Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday of next week”). You have to recognize the possibility that she doesn’t want to go out with you and she’s using ‘busy’ as an excuse. If you keep pushing her it’s like cornering a cat—you’re going to make her upset and maybe you’ll even get hurt (she’ll be frank with you)*. It’s inconvenient, but if she turns you down on the first offer to take her out you should wait for a while and try again (usually about a week). Also, pay attention to how she turns you down. If she doesn’t say things like “I can’t but I’d really like to go out with you some other time,” then you might think twice about calling her more than twice. Remember, this isn’t sales or missionary work—don’t be pushy.
- If she doesn’t answer her phone (and she probably won’t the first time you call), leave a quick and simple message that says something like, “this is ________________, and I am calling to see if you’d like to _________________. I’m sorry I missed you, I’ll try back later.” Later probably meaning sometime tomorrow. Don’t ask her to call you back—often girls will call back anyway when they get your message. This is a good way to navigate the fact that girls usually don’t answer when they don’t recognize the phone number.
*Lots of guys say that they hate that girls aren’t straightforward with them. This is absurd. You may think that you want a girl to tell you straight up if she doesn’t want to go out with you but you really don’t.
Here’s an example:
Guy: Would you like to go to dinner on Wednesday or Thursday of this week?
Girl: I can’t on either of those nights, sorry.
Guy: It’s ok, how about on Friday or Saturday?
Girl: No, I don’t think those days are good either.
Guy: Is there sometime next week we could go out?
Girl: You know, I actually don’t ever want to go out with you. Ever.
Harsh, right? Wouldn’t you call this ripping your heart out and stomping on it in front of your face? You think you want to hear this until you do and then you realize that ‘busy’ is way better. And put yourself in her shoes, do you think that any girl likes saying something like that? She knows that you’re going to go home and talk to your roommates about how rude she was when in reality it was your fault.
Have the courtesy to recognize and accept that sometimes it’s easier for both parties to not be too direct. Just learn to pay attention to some simple cues. But this is a topic for a different time.