Blatant Budgeting
Posted by proxeeconsulting
Earlier today, Danielle posted a text conversation on her blog illustrating one of the ways asking a girl out can go wrong. For those of you who missed it, this real-life conversation went as follows:
Boy: (in regards to food) Do you have a preference for Chinese, Italian…I’m not too familiar with (location), you might need to help me out. You game for that?
Girl: Sure, do you like Olive Garden?
Boy: That’s a good place. I’ve set aside $20 for this date. If our dinner would fit within that, that would work.
Girl: Hey, I’m sorry, but I don’t think we should go out.
Boy: I don’t want to be rude but is there a reason why?
Girl: Just based on our little interaction, I think there is someone better for you to spend your $20 on.
Boy: That might be, but I want to take you out. If you’re worried about me spending money on you, we could just grab an ice cream.
Girl: That’s not going to work either. Sorry.
We’ve been getting some pretty interesting responses. Some are on the right track…
“Can you see where he went wrong? Yeah, he picked a greedy b**** to go out with. You’re not taking a girl out to fill her stomach, your taking her out to get to know her. She obviously isn’t going out for the same reason.”
Let’s explain where he went wrong.
First: Price has nothing to do with it. One of the best dates I ever went on was a picnic, and that is about as cheap as you can get. I’ve also gone on super expensive ones, and they were fantastic as well.
So, what happened?
The “wrong move” this boy made was the fact that he told the girl the budget. Budget is not an issue to a girl, but planning is. If a guy asks her where she wants to go, and she suggests something, the WRONG move to make is to treat her like an excel sheet and bring up budget. Guys, if your budget is tight, plan accordingly.We have the internet, so there is no excuse for not knowing how to find places to eat within your budget.
A girl does not want to feel like a burden, or have to calculate out her meal and tip…it takes away all of the romance. If all you can afford is ice cream, then plan that and a walk in the park.To the person who says “You’re not taking a girl out to fill her stomach, your taking her out to get to know her,” you are absolutely right. But feeling the pressure that the guy is going to be judging you on what you buy when he himself is not together enough to plan a place within his budget is not going to make a girl feel comfortable and open up. What’s especially telling was that this was a request for a first date: the date that you use to impress the person you want to get to know.
Let’s face it: this guy probably meant well and he might have had real concerns about his budget but wanted to go out with her anyway. We’re in our twenties; money is a real concern for a lot of us and it can make dating tough. Regardless, if you make the date, it is your job to find a place that fits your budget (and interest level, as the case may be).
Here’s a few ways he could have handled it:
1. Boy: (Picks an activity within his budget) I’m not too familiar with (location). Is there somewhere we can go to get ice cream?
2. Boy: (Researched online) How does (Zupas/Cafe Rio/Noodles and Co.) sound?
3. Boy: (Finds a free activity) How do you feel about art galleries? I’d like to check out the new exhibit at the (local free art gallery).
Any of these would have been met with a “Sure!”
`Danielle + Jayme
Posted on June 16, 2011, in asking a girl out, conversation, paying, planning, signals. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.
If you think the woman in the $20 dollar budget date example is a greedy biatch golddigger looking for a five-star night on the town, you’ve missed the point.
And i’m not sorry for saying you’re a bit of an idiot.
The point is that this person was so concentrated on the total allowance for the date, like some horrible parental figure from a Roald Dahl book, that their focus was clearly not on date and not on making sure the date was going to have fun or not. And that’s the point they’re making here (or trying to get people like you to realize, anyway).
You could take a girl to Wendy’s, for crying out loud, as long as the date as a whole was fun! This individual referred to just had their mind elsewhere and it will be a red flag to people, especially on a blind date, just as if he arrived on your doorstep with askance hat, low britches, and his phone out texting the other girls he’s going to see later that week (or night).
And in any case, if you can’t respect a woman’s decision to not want to go out with you, you don’t deserve her in the first place.
“And in any case, if you can’t respect a woman’s decision to not want to go out with you, you don’t deserve her in the first place.”
You are my favorite. That is so true!
All that matters is that he’s cute. If he’s cute he can say, “Okay, our challenge is to have the best time ever for under 20 bucks.” And I feel intrigued. If he is not cute then I don’t want to go out with him in the first place. So I’d rather just order the steak and be done with it.
…interesting tactic.
I stand by my statement.
if he’s cute that may be true, but if a girl is feeling neutral about a guy, that can totally sway. and I’ve not gone on dates because he did something insulting/tacky…even though he was cute. not all girls are that shallow, and don’t have time to be on a date with a guy who is.
There are lots of ways a guy can be attractive to a girl. It’s not just physical. A guy who knows what he’s doing = cute.
Good for you for not going on dates with cute guys. Girl power.
you are totally a guy. no girl would sound this retarded.
Frustrated,
I’m sorry you feel that way. You make some good points. But your sarcastic tone mostly just poisons the rest of your statements. I won’t go so far as Chill to say that you are a guy, because I know plenty of girls who actually think this way. But I hope you were joking and that you aren’t making dating more difficult for the rest of us because guys in general become jaded when they think that your behavior is the reality.
totally agree with you K Daws.